


Bloopers

by cettevieestbien



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Anger, Drabbles, F/M, Friendship/Love, Light Angst, Male-Female Friendship, Missions, Pregnancy, Prompt Fill, Romance, Social Networking, Soulmates, Tattoos, Texting, Unplanned Pregnancy, World War II, accepting prompts, character death in chap 12, of all varieties, tattoos from the war
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-27
Updated: 2015-12-22
Packaged: 2018-02-19 00:40:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 8,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2367884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cettevieestbien/pseuds/cettevieestbien
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Oneshots/drabbles about Cap/Nat. Anywhere from acquaintances to married! Accepting prompts! Prompt fill for ym4yum1</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Pregnancy

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ym4yum1](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ym4yum1/gifts).



> This was originally on FF.net, so there are things that won't make sense here.

**Characters: Natasha, Steve, mention of Tony, Clint**

**Warnings: Talks about unprotected sex a little bit**

**When: Between Ultimate Avengers 2 and Next Avengers: Heroes of Tomorrow, after Avengers (Assemble, if you're in Europe) 2012**

**For: Mystergal5 and CapsGirl (Guest)**

* * *

Natasha's not known to beat around the bush. She's also not known to be nervous about anything, really. First time for everything, right?

She's not sure how her plan will work out.

* * *

_1\. Set up bathroom_

_2. _Steve gets back from mission__

_3\. Pretend to be asleep_

_4\. Steve enters bathroom, sees the gift_

_5\. Steve wants an explanation_

_6\. He gets one_

_7\. ?_

* * *

How will she know when Steve gets home, and be "asleep" for it? Will Steve actually go to the bathroom, and if he does, will he understand what she's left him?

Point is, she's worried. It comes with the package deal, she supposes.

Tonight's the night, and Natasha is extremely worried. Like, near-nail-chewing worried. She was pregnant with a super-soldier baby. They'd talked about it once, too. But, she had been told time and time again by the Red Room that she was infertile and therefore, incapable of having children. Steve wasn't sure if the serum had rendered him unfertile as well, or if it had blown up his fertility-ness to epic proportions. They'd done the deed without protection - Natasha was "infertile" anyway, who cares, more pleasure - and here they were. She was knocked-up with a scientific breakthrough and Steve was somewhere, getting back from his very dangerous job. The very dangerous job that he often shared with the mother of his unborn child.

Natasha was under the covers, turned away from the door, pretending to be asleep. It was step three - the bathroom was set up and now the plan awaited Steve and step two. She'd left the pregnancy test on the counter - well, one of them.

She hadn't quite believed the first one after she woke up vomiting and had taken several. Natasha didn't know why there were pregnancy tests in what used to be a one-man-tower but they were there and she'd used them.

Not too long after, the door creaked open and a shadow that could only belong to Steve Rogers stepped into the room. She measured each breath and kept her eyes closed, but not squeezed together. She had long ago perfected the act of feigning sleep.

He was quiet, stepping around the room on light feet and said feet took him to the bathroom. (Wow, her plan was spot-on. Natasha knows him too well.)

Natasha could hear Steve use the toilet, probably near-dead on his feet and thus unaware of the life changing item. She could also hear the moment he found it, because for all Tony was worth, he'd thought it'd be funny to have the walls that connected one bedroom to another be sound proof, but every wall otherwise be sheet thin. The offending object had clinked into the sink as he was gearing up to brush his teeth.

There was silence, and then... Steve stepped out of the bathroom, gingerly holding the pregnancy test. He didn't usually wake Natasha up if he could help it, but now he gently shook her, knowing her to be a light sleeper.

Natasha slowly sat up, as if not sensing any danger, and looked at Steve under eyelashes that were not covered in makeup. "Yes?" She asks, innocently.

"Hi," he seems tired, his voice husky, "sorry to wake you up. What's this?" He shows her the test.

Natasha smiles, "that's a pregnancy test." He seems confused for a moment, then his eyes narrow.

"What do you need a pregnancy test for?"

"Well, it's so I know I'm not sick, but throwing up my guts because someone down the line messed up." She paused a moment, then, "it's positive, by the way."

"Yeah, I caught that." Steve is being oddly not like himself, though Natasha rationalizes that he never expected this, this news. He's silent for a while. "You were never asleep, huh?"

Natasha shakes her head no. "Steve, how you holding up?" She asks him that because it was what she'd asked him after he'd been subjected to the underbelly of Tony's lab and just froze.

Then, without preamble, he beamed and leaned down to kiss Natasha's forehead affectionately.

"I'm great. I'm just great." He smiled. "Are we really about to have a baby?"

Natasha laughed. "Yes," she told him, "we are."

**BONUS:**

Natasha looked over to Clint and said, "Steve and I are having a baby."

Clint nodded. In a flat voice, he said, "that must be why he's so happy."

And, then, he left, stomping and slamming the door in his wake.


	2. Outsider

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Characters: Steve, Natasha, Sam, Tony, mentions of Clint and Bruce
> 
> Warnings: Spoilers for CA:TWS, kind of... not really...
> 
> When: CA:TWS, when Steve's still in the hospital
> 
> For: No one...?

Sam wasn't sure what was going on between his two new friends, but he was about 1000% sure he wasn't ever going to know, and that thinking about it was wasting his time.

What Sam didn't understand was how Steve and Natasha could act like they knew each other more than anyone else in the whole world with lots of talking, but now couldn't find the words to say to each other at all. Steve's laid up in bed, wounds marring his skin, and Natasha is in the chair closest to his bed, because she'd pulled a knife on Sam when he'd tried to sit in it.

Steve's awake - just staring at Natasha like she is a smiling Mona Lisa, an anomaly, but a good one - and Natasha's staring right back at him.

Sam doesn't understand.

He just doesn't.

If he was in bed and a woman was practically leaning over him, worried out of her mind - because Natasha is, Sam's sure of it - he wouldn't hesitate to try to comfort her or something. Natasha probably doesn't want comfort - her world was going the wrong way on its axle like some idiot world - but the point is, no, the  _key word_ , is probably.

Sam would never understand how Steve could figure Natasha out. Sure, the two had known each other longer, but still.

Natasha didn't show emotions - never, ever betrayed anything - and yet, Steve knew what she was thinking, knew what she was feeling.

It didn't make sense.

Why, you ask?

The only plausible thing or whatever Sam could think of was that the two were involved - like  _that way_ , you know - but there weren't any hints, not a single kiss, not long, lusty looks,  _nothing_.

So, the superheroes - was he one now, too? - were staring at each other and Sam was the victim of awkward-only-to-him silence.

Long story short, Sam shipped them and maybe, just maybe, Steve did, too, but not Natasha.

Sam didn't know Steve as well as other people - cough, cough - but he got the idea that Steve would never call Sharon or any of the other girls on the long list of Natasha-approved-girls. Even if he could fully work an iPhone, or a StarkPhone, or even a flip phone of any brand, really.

They just kept staring at each other.

Sam was going to go prematurely insane.

He could probably clear his throat until he was, like, 80 years old, and they probably wouldn't notice. No, scratch that, they definitely wouldn't notice.

He could probably go find the Winter Soldier, drag him in the room, and sing show tunes with him for hours upon hours.

He could probably piss in Steve's IV bag.

Well, he probably couldn't piss in Steve's IV bag. Natasha would slit his throat, or something as terrible as that and go right back to her and Steve's staring contest. Maybe she wouldn't even have to look at him to kill him.

Sam wasn't Steve - he didn't know Natasha enough to guess anything that could hold real ground.

The phone rang - staring contest was still on. The phone that rang was Steve's, sitting on the little bedside table. Sam cautiously got it, accepted the call and listened.

"Steve!" That was Tony Stark. He was shouting.  _Shouting might scare Steve,_ Sam thought. _He was in a war._ "Holy hell - Steve what the fuck just happened?"

Sam swallowed. He could do this. This was nothing. After all, way Tony Stark scarerier than Nick Fury? No, so he could do this. "Uh, SHIELD just got screwed sideways. And, Steve is in a hospital bed right now, so he can't come to the phone."

"O-kay. Who're you? No, better question - what are you doing answering Steve's phone? Isn't he with the Black Widow?"

"Sam Wilson, friend of Steve's, I'm answering his phone 'cuz he's, uh, occupied right now, and yes, he is. That's who he's occupied with."

"Steve's gettin' some?" Tony Stark sounded ecstatic, like that was the best thing he'd ever heard in his whole life.

"No, they're being stupid and just staring at each other. That ever happen?"

"Nah." Tony might've shrugged, or rolled his eyes. Sam could see him doing that. "So, I actually called for a reason. Hawkeye's stranded, wants to see Widow and Cap, but I guess not. I'll bring Bruce." Sam didn't know who Bruce was, but it sounded like Tony was talking to himself, anyway. "Tell the idiots I called, would you? I've got to go." And Tony hung up.

Sam just stood there a moment. That was a lot to take in.

"Uh, guys?" He called. "That was Tony Stark - he said that Hawkeye was stranded...?" It came out as a question, but both of the heroes snapped to attention, looking right at him.

"What?" Steve asked, his voice gravelly.

"Hawkeye's stranded? And Stark's doing something about it?" Natasha asked coldly.

Sam nodded. "He said he was going to 'bring Bruce', like he was going to pick him up, or something like that. You guys done with your little moment?"

Natasha glared at him for a moment, but Steve rested his hand on her forearm, and she softened. She didn't grace Sam's question with an answer, as she said "I'm going to go after Barton. I'll be back." She paused. "That was from-"

" _Terminator_ ," Steve interupted with a laughed that pathetically ended with a cough. "I know."

The two smiled at each other. Natasha left with little more than a nod in Sam's direction. He sighed.

Sam thought he might puke rainbows, but now he and Steve could be alone. Steve could get sleep and he could read a newspaper, or something.

Steve grinned. "She's something, huh?"

"Well," Sam sighed again, "she'd definetly  _something_. Don't give me that look, Cap."

 


	3. texting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Key: STEVE in bold, NATASHA in italics ...=pause in texting
> 
> CHARACTERS: Steve, Natasha, Bruce, Tony, Clint, Fury
> 
> WARNINGS: Adult Themes
> 
> WHEN: after Avengers (2012)

_Has anyone told u how to text?_

**whoiisdtrhis**

_Natasha. Answer?_

**nmotrewalkly**

_Come over to my bunk, and Ill show u_

"This arrow means capitalization, this one backspaces, the '123' shows numbers and symbols when you touch it, the world shows emojis - faces and pictures - when you click on it and the 'space' button makes a space between two words," Natasha explained.

"What about the 'return' button?" Steve questioned, tilting his head.

"Instead of a single space, it spaces a whole line."

"Ah." He pauses. "You said the '123' shows symbols?" He touched the button lightly, remembering the time he put his finger the screen of the first phone they gave him.

"Yep. Why?"

"I don't see me." Steve said, showing her the phone.

Natasha grinned.

* * *

**Hjow arte yoiu?,**

_Good. Big fingers still causing a problem?_

**Yers.**

_Poor baby. U ready for mission tonite?_

**Ghettying trherew.**

_Maybe you should ask Tony to make the letters bigger_

* * *

**Hey.**

_Hi I see ur letters r bigger_

**Yeah, Tony helped with that. It shocked him that I'm texting, apparently.**

_He just doesnt expect u to be so ingrained in this century Steve_

...

_R u in the gym?_

**Yeah.**

**Why?**

_U didn't answer for a while there._

**Guess I didn't.**

_Was it bc of Tony?_

**What's 'bc'?**

_Means because_

**Oh. Well, no, it's not because of Tony.**

_Steve_

**Yeah?**

_He does that bc if u 2 switched places, if he was 70 yrs in th future, he'd be out of his mind_

_He wouldnt know what to do and u do_

_It's surprising is all_

**Well, what else am I supposed to do? Sit around and mope?**

_That's not what I meant Steve_

...

_Steve?_

* * *

_Do u wanna come over for dinner? :)_

**Can't.**

_Y not?! :(_

**Mission in LA.**

_Any backup? What kind of mission?_

**No backup and recon.**

_Classified?_

**Yeah, sorry.**

_No prob if fury wants me to know Id know_

_And Steve?_

**Wheels up in 5, so I can't talk, Nat.**

_Ik. Stay safe_

Steve didn't know what "ik" meant, but he didn't ask.

**Of course.**

* * *

**So. Dinner?**

...

**Nat?**

_Sure._

_Where? What?_

**Wherever and Bruce's leftovers.**

_Bruce's? U sure he won't hulk out and kill us?_

**I asked. He said it was fine, but he gets both of ours.**

**Is that ok?**

_Of course :)_

* * *

_Sucks that dinner was interupted again :|_

**I know.**

_Doesnt fury have other teams? Does he always have to pick us?_

**I guess he doesn't. And we are a good team.**

_Ik but what bout Clint? ? ?_

_Y doesnt he go w/ us?_

**If Fury wanted him with us then he'd be with us.**

...

**What does 'ik' and 'w/' mean?**

_'Ik' means I know and w/ means with Steve_

**Oh.**

* * *

_Steve?_

**Yeah?**

_Where the fuk have u been?!_

_U ve been gone for weeks and u cant even fuking tell ur teammates?_

_Not even me?_

_Bruce is so highstrung he almost hulked Steve_

_Several diff times_

**Fury has me on a mission.**

**It's undercover.**

**I couldn't tell anyone, and I thought that he would.**

_Well he didnt! ! !_

_None of us know where u r!_

**I'm sorry.**

* * *

**Can I ask why Jarvis said that your lying in my bed?**

_Did he say that I am?_

**Yes he did.**

_Why don't you come and find out? ;)_

**I'll be there in 2.**

_:D_

* * *

**So.**

_So?_

**Fury wants to know why weve been "sneaking around like children" and "acting a fool" and being "hoodlums".**

_U do what we discussed?_

**Yup. What do you say these days?**

_He's eating out of the palm of your hand_

**Right.**

* * *

_How bad is Tony?_

_Is he awake?_

_Is he lucid?_

**He's cursing me out for texting at his bed side.**

**[Audio Clip:**

**Tony: Fuck you, Steve, I'm dying here and you're fucking texting. You're not even supposed to know how to text! Who are you texting?! Nat? Goddamn, I was going to say I would murder the person, but nope, not even going there, holy shit. She would castrate me the second she gets back from Melborne, Jesus Christ.]**

_Lol_

**Lol?**

_Laughing Out Loud, lol_

**Were you saying lol to that or using it as an example?**

_Example_

**Lol.**

* * *

_Check out this video {link}_

**What's a fan vid?**

_It's made by fans of something_

_W/ music_

_So_

_Sum1 took vids of u in battle and made that then put music over it_

_Awesome huh?_

**I would say embarressing, actually**

_Oh Steve_

_Ur so cute_

**Thanks?**

_I meant that as 'so open'_

_But ur face is a masterpeice_

**Masterpiece**

_Whatev_

**'Whatev'?**

_Means whatever Steve_

* * *

**Are you going to be here in time?**

_Its not like u will_

**I'm gonna be on time to my own wedding Nat**

_And so will I_

**Ok :D**

* * *

**I'm going to kill Tony**

_Can I watch?_

**Ha ha**

**No, you cant**

_Y not?_

**Bc**

_Bc y? ? ?_

**Youll kill him worse than I will**

...

**Happy?**

**Nat?**

_Tell me what the fuk he did_

**I told you you wouldn't be happy about it**

_Tell me_

_Right now or I will go to a brothel and I won't film it_

**What? Y would that be a threat?**

_It wouldn't turn you on even a little?_

**No.**

_It would Tony._

_Have J tell him what I told u_

**Tony is screaming over the intercom**

**So is Clint**

**And Jane**

_Jane?_

**Apparently Thor is too egar or somethin?**

_Tell J to tell them that I have bloody bush shears_

_Tell them that I would use them on anyone w/ a wiener w/o a 2nd thought_

**Except me?**

_Duh Steve_

_So u better fuking tell me or I'll use them on u laughing manically_

* * *

**I'm leaving**

...

**Nat?**

_Where r u going?_

**Heathrow abd then Calias**

**And**

_When r u coming back?_

**Dunno**

_Ok_

_Ly_

**Lyt Nat**

 


	4. blackmail

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Characters: Tony, Steve, Natasha
> 
> Warnings: None
> 
> When: Doesn't matter
> 
> For: Nobody

Tony walked into the infirmary room, sighing. Steve really needed to stop being the sacrificial lamb - it was sickening how quick Steve was to suggest himself for the suicide run. And Tony was sick of it.

They'd been fighting Doom. Doom was an asshole. Not one Avenger was without harm.

Clint was in a medical induced coma, Bruce sleeping off the effects of the Hulk, Thor having burns on his arms treated, and Natasha... Tony wasn't sure, not on that front, but the woman probably wasn't even hurt.

She probably hadn't even broke a nail.

And yet, here was Tony, concussion and several fractures, checking on that stubborn leader of theirs.

 _Down the winding hallways we go, to get to Gramma's house or whatever_ , Tony thought in a sing-song.

Upon finding Steve's room, Tony walked in without preamble.

There, in bed with Steve, was Natasha. She was curled up next to the larger blond guy and she - no, the both of them - was asleep.

It was cute. Dare he say,  _sweet_.

Tony carefully pulled out his phone. He carefully pointed the camera to take a picture - so he could throw around rumors and have blackmail and  _okay_ , he likes to keep record of when these things happen.

Still, exactly one second after the shutter went off, Natasha and he were tearing through the medical ward in the mad chase for the ultimate blackmail.


	5. emotional

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Characters: Steve and Natasha, very little Sam
> 
> Warnings: sad, no spoilers
> 
> When: after CA2
> 
> For: everyone because I'm seriously behind with this shit

Natasha finds him in the spare room of Sam's apartment. He's curled into a ball, sitting upright in the corner that connects the two walls farthest from the door. Smart. Steve's forehead rests on his arms, and he's quiet.

Natasha walks over, making enough noise for him to know he's not alone, and sits next to Steve. She doesn't touch him - she knows better than to approach an angry snake. She doesn't want to get bitten.

Slowly, his head comes up, his eyes red. She wonders if this is the first time he's come truly undone since waking up in the new century. He's always been so composed, she would be surprised if he hadn't let go of the agony his situation put him through.

Now, she's not usually one for giving out comfort, but there's never been a more worthy person of receiving comfort. Hesitantly, her hand comes up to Steve's head, and he ducks under her arm, so that his head rests on her chest.

She strokes his hair and lightly scrapes her nails over his scalp while he finally lets go. His arms wrap around her waist and he pulls her closer to him. Steve's obviously touch depraved, but Nat's happy to give him all of the touches she possibly can.

He cries and cries and cries. It's heart wrenching, his crying, because he's the strong one and if he's crying, then something is truly wrong with the world.

"Natasha," he sobs into her chest. She clutches him tighter.

"Shhhhhh. Steve, you're okay. You're safe. You've got people that care about you; you're fine. Shhhhhh."

He only cries harder.

Sam finds them like that hours later, except Steve's asleep and Natasha is smiling.


	6. doll

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Characters: Natasha, Steve, Sophia Rogers, mentions of others
> 
> Warnings: fluffy after the sad
> 
> When: after phase one, maybe phase two, OR not specified
> 
> For: everyone because I'm seriously behind with this shit

Sophia couldn't say Dada. It wouldn't come out right. Steve tried valiantly to get her to say it. Alas, it came out as "dodd" or "doduh" or "donud" or even "dodododa," but never Dada.

She could say Mama like a pro. She could say uncle, and whenever Tony, Bruce, Clint or Thor came around, she always called them uncle. She could even aunt, which Jane and Pepper loved.

Tony and Pepper's son, Ben, could say Dada, which Tony loves to throw in Steve's face. Steve always ignored him, and Natasha was sure to leave him a present in the form of a used diaper in his bed every night. (She always told Pepper, too, so the other woman knew when to sta up late doing work.)

But one day, when Natasha was overseas with Bruce and Tony, Sophia said it. She was two years old, but she'd kept the habit of sleeping on Steve's chest since birth. Steve was talking to his amazing wife over the phone, and Sophia was playing with the buttons on his shirt.

"Hey, Ace?" Natasha says over the phone to Sophia. "Can you say Mama?"

"No," Sophia giggles.

"Oh, c'mon, Doll. Say Dada."

"No." She shakes her head.

He starts to tickle her stomach. "Say it, please!"

She screeches, "'op Dada! 'Op!"

Steve's fingers fall away from her sides.

"Steve? Did she just say it?" Natasha asks excitedly.

"Did I just hear Dada?" Bruce questions faintly from the other line.

Steve completely ignores them and asks, "say Dada again?"

Sophia grins hugely. "Ok, Dada."

Steve whoops for joy and swings her around like she's flying.

 


	7. sleeping angry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Characters: Clint, Steve and Natasha
> 
> Warnings: anger
> 
> When: after avengers
> 
> For: everyone because I'm seriously behind with this shit
> 
> Also: taking prompts for this and I updated this more than once, so there's more than just one chap... (some people might've accidentally skipped over the 5th chap)

"Hey, Cap?" Clint asks Steve right as he reaches the hallway.

Steve stops at the end of the hallway and turns around. "Hi. I'm going to go to bed now, if you don't mind, so..."

"Oh, trust me," Clint grinned, "I don't mind. I'm just trying to give you a little warning here, that's all."

"Warning?" Steve narrows his eyes at the other man.

"Yeah;  _warning_. Nat's in your bed. She has been sleeping there in the months you've been on the op that ended, what?, last week? And she's been wearing your shirts since we were told you were going on another one. She's seriously pissed - get it?"

Steve drags a hand down his face. "Yeah, I get it. Thanks, Clint."

"Oh, I wasn't telling you to help you. I'm pissed too." Clint doesn't look the part, not in the face, but his body is tense.

"What do you want me to tell Fury, Clint? I'm below him, if you weren't aware!"

Clint frowns. "Um, tell him you want a fucking break? Tell him you haven't spent barely any time with your girlfriend? I mean, tell him you want some time to recuperate from a month-long mission in which you got seriously hurt, instead of going on another one just a day after! C'mon, Steve! You realize that you're breakable, right? Like how me and Stark and Nat are?"

Steve scowls at him. "I get that, okay, but Fury is my boss. I have to do what he says."

"Did Tony tell you about labor laws yet?"

"It doesn't matter. I'm going to bed." Steve groused, turning around again.

"Fine, but I'm applying for time off under your name!"

Steve didn't waste his breath on responding to that. He stalked down the hall, angry and tired half out of his mind. He opened the door roughly and just managed to not remember not to slam it shut. Bruce, Nat and Tony wouldn't appreciate it, if they were getting any sleep that night.

Looking over to the bed, Steve wasn't surprised to find it full of Natasha. She  _was_  wearing his shirt, just like what Clint said, and she was curled under the blankets, clutching his pillow. She looked perfect, even in sleep.

Sighing, he went over to the drawers where his clothes were, got some Hulk pajama pants, and then made his way to the bathroom. His shower was short, but delightful. When he came back out, Natasha was awake, watching the door.

She smiled when she saw him. "Coming to bed anytime this century, babe?"

Steve rolled his eyes, feeling better and calmer now that Nat was there and awake. "If you wanted me that bad, you could've just said."

Natasha laughed and pulled him down in a kiss.


	8. tattoos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Characters: Natasha and Steve
> 
> Warnings: alludes (but doesn't show) to sexy times, kinda sad at the beginning
> 
> When: not specified
> 
> For: nobody, I just have this headcanon that I had to write

Natasha is surprised to find out that Steve has tattoos.

She finds them one night, before things can get steamy, but after they've gotten passionate. She's straddling his legs and tugging his shirt up when she first catches sight of them.

There are numbers going around his waist, separated by a small, black dot halfway up the figures of the numbers. When she runs her finger over them, Steve jumps. Win.

"What do they mean?" Natasha asks quietly. She's smart; they can't mean anything good. There are too many numbers for it to be dates, not to mention they aren't in date format and he wouldn't have anything spectacular happen to him that was so important he got it permanently engraved on his skin.

His swallows, and Natasha is momentarily distracted. "I saved them," he says, "I got them out of hell on earth."

"These were on their...?" She doesn't have to ask, but does anyway, just to make sure she knows what she's looking at.

"Yes." Steve looks sad, looks his age for a moment. "But, most of them actually survived for a long time after the war."

Natasha nods and continues looking. There's an ice-cube to the right of his belly button and a crude version of the tesseract to the left, with the shield on his abs and his parents names over his heart. "Did you draw these?" She grins, referring to the small cubes on his stomach.

"Hey! They're not  _that_  bad!"

"No, they're great, it's just... Why those?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Steve laughs. "Keep looking, I have more."

Snow White and Oz the wizard areon his upper left shoulder, which she raises an eyebrow at, with "Bucky" in red, white in blue under that. "Really, Steve?" Natasha deadpans.

"What? I saw those movies in the theaters! And Bucky had my name on his arm, so I have no right-"

"Not to do the same, I know, babe."

"You're making fun of me," he pouts.

Natasha rests her hand on his face, leaning forward so that his eyes drop down. "No, I'm not."

Steve shakes his head, then grabs her wrist and flips them around.

She notices black ink on his hand and takes it in her own. The word "someday" wraps around his left ring finger, and she automatically knows it's for Peggy. She doesn't say anything about it, knowing that it's no surprise and that she should have expected something more than  _nothing_  about his first love.

Later, after the passion has passed, and the steam has evaporated, she finds more. There's a cluster at the bottom of his back (the Avengers' logo and individual logos, as well as things that remind him of the commandoes), the words "viva la pluto" making a circle around said cluster and stars that span his shoulders.

"Head in the clouds, soldier?" She asks as she gazes down at the stars. They look real, not like the generic ones.

Steve lazily grins at her. "Duh. Oh, and I have more."

"More? Who knew Captain America was a tattoo fanatic?"

"Captain America knew that Captain America was a tattoo fanatic. They're by my ankles," he yawns.

The words "a good man" are above his right ankle, the dates he went under, woke up and fought the chitauri above his left.

"Huh," Nat says after staring at them for a few moments. Then she grins. "Wanna see mine? They aren't in places that just anybody can see them..."

 _That_  wakes Steve right up.


	9. twitter shenanigans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Characters: Natasha, Steve, Tony, Clint, Bruce, Thor, Daily Bugle asswipe  
> Warnings: I don't think there are any, just a lot of Tony being an ass and the others being various shades of annoyed, also, not very shippy  
> When: after Thor 2, but no spoilers  
> For: nobody
> 
> AntiHero = Natasha  
> UKnowMeTS = Tony  
> CapnIceCube = Steve  
> PurpleArrow = Clint  
> DrHulk = Bruce  
> GodOfThunder = Thor

**AntiHero** Apparently,  _CapnIceCube_  sleeps in boxers, not briefs!

 **UKnowMeTS** _AntiHero_  how u know that? Stalking again?

 **AntiHero**   _UKnowMeTS_  #I'mASpy

 **CapnIceCube**   _UKnowMeTS AntiHero_  is all knowing don't try to fight it

* * *

**PurpleArrow** _CapnIceCube_  where tf r my fletchings

 **CapnIceCube**   _PurpleArrow_  I saw  _UKnowMeTS_  with them

 **UKnowMeTS**   _CapnIceCube PurpleArrow_  he's lying! I don't have your fletching I don't want it either

 **UKnowMeTS**   _CapnIceCube PurpleArrow_ and fuck you Cap

 **CapnIceCube** _UKnowMeTS_  I'd rather not

 **UKnowMeTS**   _CapnIceCube_  *shot thru the heart by ur mean words*

 **PurpleArrow**  oh boo hoo  _UKnowMeTS_  sorry to say ur bf hates u

 **PurpleArrow**  now where the fuck are my fletchings

 **AntiHero**   _UKnowMeTS_   _CapnIceCube PurpleArrow_ this is what I have to live with #children

 **DrHulk**   _AntiHero_  me too #GetMeOuttaHere

* * *

**UKnowMeTS**   _AntiHero_  marry fuck kill, me, Steve, Fury

 **Antihero**   _UKnowMeTS_  marry Fury, fuck Steve, kill you

 **UKnowMeTS**   _AntiHero_  y not marry Steve, fuck me and kill Fury?

 **AntiHero**   _UKnowMeTS_  bc Steve's got stamina, Fury'd never be there anyway and ur annoying

 **AntiHero**   _UKnowMeTS_  it only makes sense that I kill u

 **UKnowMeTS**   _AntiHero_  "it only makes sense" wtf

 **UKnowMeTS**   _AntiHero_  also how u know Steves got stamina

 **AntiHero**   _UKnowMeTS_  not telling

 **UKnowMeTS**   _AntiHero_  who's the child now

 **AntiHero**   _UKnowMeTS_  looks like it's still you #WhatATragedy

* * *

**DrHulk** _PurpleArrow_  and  _GodOfThunder_  duke it out here

 **GodOfThunder**   _DrHulk PurpleArrow_  is a worthy adversary indeed

 **CapnIceCube**   _DrHulk GodOfThunder PurpleArrow_  can't wait to get home and "duke it out" again

 **PurpleArrow**   _CapnIceCube_  dude at least u get to go on missions I'm so jelly

 **CapnIceCube**   _PurpleArrow_  I don't want to know what that means

* * *

**DailyBugle** _AntiHero_  do the #Avengers ever share beds in a platonic way?

 **AntiHero**   _DailyBugle_  that is a majorly loaded question.

 **AntiHero**   _DailyBugle_  if I say yes, we're gay, if I say no, I'm "in denial"

 **AntiHero**   _DailyBugle_  but yes and it's awesome

 **AntiHero**   _DailyBugle GodOfThunder_  is a A+ cuddler

* * *

**DailyBugle**  the #Avengers admit to being gay over twitter! See it here!

* * *

**DrHulk**   _CapnIceCube_  watches Arrow and cries over #Olicity

 **CapnIceCube**   _DrHulk_  Tony I swear if you hacked into Bruce's account again...

 **UKnowMeTS**   _CapnIceCube_  Im offended u think id do that

 **CapnIceCube**   _UKnowMeTS_  I'm surprised you think I dont expect it of you

 **UKnowMeTS**   _CapnIceCube_  is a dick

 **CapnIceCube**   _UKnowMeTS_  is second in line to herding a hoard of rabid animals

 **CapnIceCube**   _UKnowMeTS_  I'm thinking about vacation... Have fun with keeping the rest of us in line! :*

 **UKnowMeTS**   _CapnIceCube_  ur not allowed to know what :* means who told u

 **PurpleArrow**   _UKnowMeTS_  :*

 **DrHulk**   _UKnowMeTS_  :*

 **AntiHero**   _UKnowMeTS_  :*

 **UKnowMeTS**  the avengers r no longer a thing and i have 5 ppl to evict today


	10. vegas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who: Steve, Natasha, some Tony
> 
> What: Steve and Natasha get married because of Tony's Super Potent Drinkage.
> 
> When: After CA2, no spoilers

Steve wakes up to a pounding head and what must be the light at the end of the tunnel. He finds, after looking around, that the room he is in is not his, nor is it any of his teammates' or even a guest room in the Tower. And... there's someone next to him.

Without turning his body, he sees that the person next to him is a, female, b, not wearing clothes, and c, Natasha Romanoff, aka his teammate, aka the Black Widow. Oh shit.

He contemplates getting up, getting dressed (he thinks he's naked too, but please god, don't let him be naked) and doing "damage control," but then decides that he'll, in Stark-like fashion, go back to sleep and let her deal with it (he's not sure how to, anyway).

So he rolls over. And then he's flat on his back again, a knife pressed to his throat.

Slowly, he opens his mouth. "Natasha," he says, "it's Steve. Steve Rogers? You know, your friend?" If he swallows, the knife will actually cut into his skin. He's well aware of just how little power he has in that moment.

Painfully slowly, Natasha blinks, and her eyes clear enough for her to realize that she is straddling Captain America, with a giant knife to his jugular, both of them naked. The pressure she's putting on the knife lessens enough that he can safely breathe, so he puts his hands on her waist. She jumps the slightest bit, and good god, he doesn't blame her.

"Natasha," he repeats, but his voice, this time, is 100 times hoarser. "We need to get dressed and find out where we are."

Steve doesn't remember going on a mission with Natasha that would ever require the to share a bed. Share a bed while  _butt naked_. It just does not compute.

She nods, looking a little out of it still. There's a lot of awkward maneovering, and then they're both standing, hurriedly putting on their clothes. While Steve is still pulling up his zipper, Natasha hisses out a "shit."

Then, without a shirt to cover her impressive cleavage, she storms over to him and slaps a paper onto his chest. "Read it," she demands.

So he does. Then he reads it again. And again.

"God- _damnit_." Natasha says, once she's sure he's read it.

He reads it again, just to be sure.

"Is this a marriage liscense? With our signatures? Or am I losing my eyes with old age?" Steve really hopes it's the latter, to be honest. It's not that Natasha wouldn't be someone he wanted to marry, it's more Natasha is an assassin and he didn't even get to court her.

"Yes it is." She snarls. She's very angry, he notes. Like, more angry than she should be. "Next time Stark makes you a Super Potent Drinkage,  _turn him down_."

And then she pulls on a shirt, and storms out. Steve looks back down at the paper that says he and Natasha were legally married. It says they were married in Vegas, in one of the many chapels. Fuck.

He pulls on a shirt and heads out after her.

* * *

Steve doesn't find her, but he does find out that Stark has called him 100,000 times since the previous night. He answers finally, and Stark chews him out. Steve winces, because he still has that hangover headache and Tony's loud voice is freakin' loud.

Tony's still ranting when Steve cuts him off. "Look, Stark, I don't care. I'll check in more, but call me again and I will do unspeakable things to you." Then he hangs up.

He's been spending too much time with Natasha. Natasha, his wife. He should probably feel something other than giddiness at the thought. He couldn't do much better than Natasha.

After hours of searching and thinking about how much he likes his bride, he finds her. She's drinking again, shots of something with no color but a strong smell, and when she sees him, she frowns. He already knows that she's not drunk - Tony's magic Potent Drinkage had been what got them both plastered.

Steve can't help but think she's beautiful.

It takes some serious cajoling and quite a few offers to owe favors, but eventually, Natasha goes with him back to the hotel room they'd woken up in.

"So," he says. He's got a plan on how he wants this conversatiion to go - of course he does. He's the Star Spangled Man With A Plan.

"So," she repeats.

"I have an idea, and I need your thoughts on it."

"Alright," says Natasha.

"We could stay married."


	11. muscle memory and bruises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who: Steve, Natasha, others
> 
> What: In a world where your perfect match shares the same injuries/muscle memories as you, Steve and Nat are killing each other (Or, Another Stupid Soul Mate AU because I'm addicted)
> 
> When: Throughout (therefore spoilers)
> 
> Notes: this is like 2,400 words, so... Here's a present for the new year, I guess? Also, the tense changes from present to past and I'm sorry if it confuses anyone. Also, goes into some of what Nat went through in the Red Room, and Steve thinks she's being abused, so... watch out for that.

After he hit age 10, Steve had always had weird cuts and bruises, and pain in odd places. His muscles had memory they shouldn't, and often, he felt an odd sensation in his stomach that made him want to throw up.

He knew that they were from his soul mate, who he figured must have been getting beaten or something (also, the last one, to his mortification, was what he assumed was womanly problems that he first got around the age 23). He tried to lessen any wounds he sustained as soon as he could, or completely not get them in general, since his mate was already getting so badly hurt on a regular basis.

He couldn't just stop standing up to the bullies, though.

He figured that whoever she was really didn't appreciate the black eyes and bruises he got from the fights. She always gave him her injuries, though, so a few bruises that didn't even hurt couldn't be that bad to her.

Once, in the beginning, he drew a portrait - more like an outline - of his own body, and added the injuries he got. He put the date he got them next to the picture, to remember, because was fairly certain he'd have to know when these things were happening. He honestly thought that he'd find his soul mate and have to go to court with her over an abusive fella or parent. Bucky thought he was ridiculous, or so he said. Steve  _knew_  his best buddy was serious concerned.

He went on in life, though, and read up on as much as he could about people suffering from abuse. A lot of it didn't apply, but he read it anyway.

It was his second biggest goal, being able to help his mate once they met, only after becoming a soldier.

He didn't think about what his being a soldier would do to her, though. He didn't think about how much older he was than her. He didn't think.

* * *

He'd come out of the chamber with a giant cut, lots of bruises and a split lip.

"Jesus," Howard had whistled.

Steve had smiled sheepishly, blushed, and wondered if he'd had some part in getting the wounds.

That was the start of army officials looking at him weird.

* * *

One day, everything about her felt wrong. Natasha couldn't explain it, but her whole body felt out of place.

She told her handler that she was sick, having cramps and taking her only day off to date.

He'd been angry. She couldn't imagine what her mate was going through after the punishment she got.

* * *

Natasha didn't know who exactly her mate was, but he seemed like a taunting dumbass, if the minor wounds he suffered  _EVERY DAY_  were any indication.

The injuries he gave her were certainly not as bad as the ones she gave him, not by a long shot, but still. What the hell. How did he spend his days, flinging himself into the way of fists? Really, it was kind of ridiculous, considering he probably didn't have as good an excuse as her.

The only good thing he gave her was the ability to draw like a champ. And, okay, she was pretty skilled at the whole  _duck before a fist could hit her directly in the face_  thing, too.

She deducted that she was younger than him, seeing as from day one, she'd been getting his injuries (try explaining why you're a three year old with a split lip and a bruise as big as your face without it sounding like you're covering up abuse - she dares you). That's why, when the war was going on, and she would've been too young to get in had she been a guy, she knew he was older for sure and thus, the bullet wound on her torso, and the coldness in her bones.

At the same time that the news about Captain America going down in the ice came to her - days later, she'd like to point out - she was shivering. She had a migrane, her head hurt and was fuzzy, making it hard to focus, there was pain in every inch of her body. Also, her stomach was dying, even though she was fed. It had started the same time that Captain America had gone down.

It seemed obvious who her soul mate was, but she refused to believe it.

(She might've requested to learn English, the one language she'd never asked to be taught, once she figured it out. What? She might go to Britain, or North America, and if she couldn't speak the language - what was she going to do?)

Many, many years of excuses later, and she was fluent and also being rescued - rescued? Or taken against her will, since her only other option was death? - by an American who went by the name of Hawkeye. He got a giant cut on his hand while they were going back to where he worked. He'd cursed and called someone over the phone.

She just looked down and blocked the ensuing conversation ("What the  _fuck_  just happened!?") out.

* * *

When Steve woke up, it was a slow and gradual thing.

His ears told him he was listening to a game from before he went off to war, which made as much sense as how clean the room was once he finally looked around it. Where was the grime? Where were the other boys who were injured? Would they put him in a room all alone, away from the others that were wounded? Where was his nurse?

Those things, along with the fact that the sound outside would be more common in New York than in war torn Europe, led Steve to know who he'd been taken by. At least he still had his soul mate, right? The wounds he was sporting were considerably less worse than the ones he'd gone done with. (That's not to say that he can feel a multitude of healed wounds, making do now that he's not in the plane anymore.)

That was a relief. If Steve couldn't be safe - and yeah, HYRDA was not about to let him get away scotch free - then at least she was.

(He'd make sure she was safe as best as he could once he met her. He knew it.)

The nurse finally walked in, and something about her, the way she dressed, the words she spoke, rubbed him wrong. And when the gys dressed in black with guns like he'd never seen before, he got angry. You could hardly blame him.

Turns out he's in the future. And who knows, maybe his soul mate is old and in love with someone who's not him. Shit. As if God hasn't thrown more than enough curveballs his way.

He meets Agent Natasha Romanoff during the days before aliens are supposed to invade. She's beautiful, and graceful and deadly. (He is  _hopelessly_  attracted to her.)

They fight together like a dream, but she's uneasy around him. He doesn't know what he did, and he doesn't know how to fix it.

When he asks, she tells him that he's reading her wrong, and he thinks that she's lying. He could tell that she was, especially since she'd tensed when he'd walked over to her, and tensed even more once his question was out.

One night, most of the Avengers on Earth (meaning all but Thor) get drunk. They're at the meetings SHIELD makes them have sometimes - usually they don't drink, but they do that time.

It takes Natasha a long time to get tipsy, and after at least 3 gallons, Steve's got nothing but softened edge.

Tony and Clint sing show tunes, Bruce tells everyone mathematic formulas about the Hulk, even though no one is listening, and Steve just sits and thinks. Natasha, who after getting enough tipsy, got drunk, and sat next to him.

"You know," she said, "the reason I'm so wierd around you is because you remind me of my soul mate."

"You've met him?" Asks Steve.  _It must be nice_ , he thought.

"Yeah. He's big, strong, and so much better than me," and it sounds like she believes what she's spouting. Steve can't fathom anyone better than Natasha - or anyone who was bad and tries as hard as she does to be  _better_ , at least. "He doesn't know. I don't want to tell him, because he's got so much other stuff going on in his life, and I'd only be a burden when he needs to work through the other things first."

Steve can't help but think that her mate's situation is a lot like his in some aspects. He draws off of that. "Maybe you would help ease the burden he already has? You won't know until you tell him." He'd love to have someone at his side during the therapy sessions and the WSC meetings about his mindset.

"And what if he wants nothing to do with me? It would be unlike who he usually is, but still. I'm not the best person to ever walk the Earth, and he knows that. Not to mention, the things he has to work through? Massivley psycological, they are. I play with people's minds, and he doesn't need that."

She gets up, walks away, and he lets her. She doesn't remember the next day.

* * *

Natasha has told Fury, at least 3 times before, that Steve and her do not belong working together.  _It's not him, it's her_ , she even said, going against her  _NEVER EVER BE CLICHE_  thing. He knew about them being mates - he saw the ice burns she got even though she never even saw the ice he was trapped in. But still, he put them together. Something about them being one of the best damn teams SHIELD had ever seen.

Nat doesn't accept the compliment, instead requesting - again - that she be paired up with anyone but Steve.

He must be offended by her doing that, and forces them back together each time.

They're in New Zealand when Tony's mansion is bombed into the sea.

They're in Chile when Malekith comes down to London.

They're together in the thick of things in D.C. when HYDRA rears it's ugly red head.

Always together, sharing wounds. Steve hasn't noticed, and she wonders how the best tacticle mind of the 20th century could possibly not know. If not the wounds they dress for each other, then it should be the way she knows exactly how to hold the shield correctly, or how was so limble and  _spine-what-spine_. But he never saw. She thought it was maybe because they had lots of missions, with lots of objectives and not too many breaks.

Sam's with her when they're in the air, and she's getting every single one of Steve's wounds. She wonders just how much he's letting James win the fight - she's bruised and bloody like she's never been from him. Her lips is split, her cheek is bruised, she feels fuzzy in the way she had all those years before.

He sends her a look that says he knows, and she just shrugs. She doesn't care anymore if people know. (It hadn't always been the best thing, possibly having Captain America as her soul mate, i.e. the Red Room.)

He asks, even though he more than likely already knows, "you tell him?"

She shook her head, and the conversation was over, because there was the last helicarrier falling out of the sky even though Steve was still on it.

Later, they find him on the banks of the Potomac, and he's not breathing right at all.

The EMTs try to help her, but she just tells them she's his soul mate, and they leave her be.

She doesn't leave his side, and goes into the ambulance with him, feeling the pain he was down to her bones.

* * *

When Steve wakes up in the hospital later, he thinks about how everything was so similar to how he died 70 years before.

A plane that had to go down. Someone with him when it happened. A body of water. Him sacrificing everything. Waking up to find he didn't die.

This time, he can see Sam next to him, looking like he hadn't aged a day, and he can breathe easier.

When Natasha walks in, sporting wounds she hadn't been last he'd seen her, he'd asked after them.

"Same ones as your," she'd told him. It took a moment, what with the drugs and the concussion, but then he  _got it_. It snapped into place like nothing else ever had, and he grinned, despite it all.

"Really?" He sounds elated. He thinks he does, at least. The look on her face is indescribable. The feeling that's welling up in his throat makes his lips stretch widely into a smile, even if it hurts his split lip.

"Really," she says, then leans over and kisses him on the forehead. "Now, you need to get better, soldier. We got a ghost to catch."

He couldn't think of a better soul mate.


	12. remembering is the worst past time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Nat are soulmates. This is not a happy ending. Tags: soulmates, major character death, not a fix-it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the trope is that they can hear each other's thoughts but only during extreme emotional times, i guess. i might expand sometime. posted separately, as well.

Steve remembered flashes of Russia. The Commandos hadn’t been there long, just a few days at most. Their trip there had been both preceded and succeeded by battles where Steve was hurt - shrapnel in the leg, a bullet in the shoulder - so he never thought about why he couldn’t recall every second he spent there.

 

But he did know one thing - there was a show they went to, a courtesy from a few Russian soldiers. 

 

It was ballet, ten little girls with pale skin and hair in high buns gracefully moving across the stage, accompanied by a lilting tune. He knew there were two little girls with red hair - one was bright red, and the other was closer to blonde.

 

He knew he made eye contact with the little girl with the shock of bright red hair, and he felt something snap inside of him. She gave him a wide eyed look, he recalled, and then proceeded to ignore him for the rest of the dance.

 

And he’d told his men, he  _ had _ , but Dum Dum had decided to get into a fight and Bucky had dragged him away. He never saw her again.

 

He tried to return to Russia at every chance he got. He told his supervisors about her, hoping they would put it on record. He asked the soldiers who took them if they knew who had performed, but they evaded the question. Steve never found out her name.

 

He thought about her as he told Peggy about their date he knew he wouldn't’ make. He thought of her green eyes, her graceful, silent moves. He thought about how she’d never meet him, because he was going to die on her. He thought about how they would have a hard time finding his body, leaving her with one more let down.

 

He thought,  _ I’m sorry _ as he lied down, shivering and in pain. He repeated the thought, obsessively hoping she heard him, until he stopped breathing. Until he stopped thinking altogether.

 

Steve wasn’t a good soulmate. He died before they could even see each other more than once. But he knew it was for the better - for her better.

  
...

 

Natasha didn’t think back to childhood if she could manage it. She had no time to think about people who hated her and things she hated doing.

 

Her job allowed her to distance herself from her own memories. She had people to save, jobs to end, groups to destroy. There was no chance of thinking back on her life.

 

But, on the nights she wasn’t on a op, when she lied in bed, she saw blue eyes and a chiseled jaw. She saw the American flag pin that sat above a slew of other medals.

 

She thought of a deep voice in her head, begging for forgiveness.  _ I’m sorry _ , over and over, for hours.

 

Her handlers had snapped at her, forcing her to pretend her soulmate wasn’t dying. To ignore the regrets of an American soldier.

 

She never responded, and she will forever regret it.

 

She knew who he was, now. Knew how he died, knew how she could have helped him along to death. She’d thought, at the time, that he’d been like any other soldier, and died a slow and painful death inflicted by the horrors of war.

 

She’d dreamed of shrapnel, of bullets and bombs, of trains and the GPs, for months after. She thought he’d died surrounded by bodies.

 

But he’d died alone, in a barren field of ice. Officials said, now, that he probably froze to death. If not, he didn’t have any food or drink, so he died from starvation or thirst. He could’ve left the plane, but again, froze to death.

 

She pretended he was never alive. She hated thinking about his death, hated hearing his sorries again and again.

 

Natasha wasn’t much of a soulmate, hiding from her destiny. But it was easier to hide than to remember how she let him down.


End file.
